We shall not cease from exploration, and the end of all our exploring will be to arrive where we started, And know the place for the first time. ~T.S. Eliot Four Quartets

18 September 2006

feeling gratitude

Saturday was one of those days where I just felt so full up, blissed out. Full and satisfied with life. Too often this is a fleeting feeling, with the mind chattering on about all sorts. But that day while lying with my sleeping baby girl, with my son happily playing with his older cousin, I just felt a surge of complete contenment and gratitude.
I feel blessed that on more days than not, I can look at the world optimistically, compassionately. I am happy that on some days I can have compassion for myself too, and my failings. It doesn't come easily though, I mean I haven't always been so content. And when I say content, I don't mean snuggled down into the wool. No, I am very much awake. Taking on parenting was not a job I entered into lightly. I look at it as a spiritual path in itself. My children are my teachers. Who after all can push your buttons as quickly and effectively as your children?
And that's where my practice is at. My children, and my response to them show me where I'm most stuck. Meditating and practicing Buddhism for just about 10 years now has changed my world view entirely. I still lose my composure, especially when its pouring down rain and I have to walk my son to school because I don't have a car etc.. But I am reminded that equanimity and compassion are the keys to a happy, satisfying life.

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