We shall not cease from exploration, and the end of all our exploring will be to arrive where we started, And know the place for the first time. ~T.S. Eliot Four Quartets

20 September 2006

ooh child, things are going to get brighter...

I didn't really think I'd be blogging so much about parenting, not that its not a worthy topic, I just had other things in mind for the blog. But it is all about life, and right now, life is getting more complicated for my beautiful little boy.

He's having trouble settling into school as I was told by the headmaster and his teacher yesterday after school. Its his third week, and he is still recovering from a cold that plagued him his entire second week. It has been decided that he should be moved into class one, instead of class two where he's at right now, which may help him adjust better. That's where he was going to start originally, but then due to his birthdate, they moved him into class 2. He is reading very well, and writing, but its all about his behaviour and social skills.

His current class has 20 boys and 7 girls. Its too big and many of the boys are disruptive. The thing is though, that my son is slightly different--i guess. This is why I hesitated in sending him to school, because I know how he is, and what he needs. I never thought much about labelling him, and as his mother, I am biased in a big way.

Although it was not mentioned, it occurred to me that the teacher and headmaster may be thinking that my son has ADHD--attention deficit, hyperactivity disorder. I suppose I've been aware of that possibility somewhere in my consciousness, but never gave it serious consideration. So I did some internet research and without jumping to self-diagnosis or conclusion, I am now more aware of the real possibility.

It would explain so much of his behaviour and the fact that one of the diagnosing factors is that the symptoms must be present before the age of 7.. which it has been, pretty much since birth. Its not enough to say that boys will be boys, because in this world of rules and regulations, he will suffer if he doesn't have some help in dealing with it. I am against any use of drugs, although I would consider alternative remedies. It may be that he will have to come home again, for home education, and from what I've read, the symptoms of ADHD lessen with age.

I don't know if I will suggest this to the school as of yet, but will wait to see what they propose. He would of course have to be assessed by several professionals for a period of time before any diagnosis can be made. The thing that made me cry today though, when reading about it, was that we may have been unfairly blaming him, his 'personality' for a neurological impairment that he most likely was born with. While I'm writing, I'm listening to a song, with a line that just said 'you can't change what your given, but you can go where the river flows' (Grow, by Kubb) and that's made me cry as well. I'm reminded once again of the limits of my compassion and the filters on my own mind.

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