Sanskrit Poem

Look to this day

For it is life, the very life of life

For yesterday is already a dream, and tomorrow is only a vision

But today, well lived, makes every yesterday a dream of contentment, and every tomorrow a vision of hope.

*photo of handmade 'steiner clock' that hangs in our local Steiner Kindergarten.

Collecting conkers and thinking about peace...

Its definitely autumn and I love being surrounded by conker-dropping trees- except of course when they manage to find the target that seems to be on the top of my head.

Both the kids love conkers, feeling the smoothness, observing the richness of the colours, but they never want to smash them. My daughter is starting to collect things as she finds them now, pine cones, conkers, rocks.. its wonderful to see her discovering the natural world. As I walk through nature, I feel extremely peaceful and realise that this is such a gift. I know it is a gift when I think about all the turmoil happening in many parts of the world.

Last night I became aware of the current uprising in Burma. I watched the tv news (not something I do very often) which showed images of Buddhist monks protesting in the streets. They are taking a great risk for themselves, but are doing it for the benefit of all people in their country. I hear the U.S. is now showing a glimmer of interest about the regime and talking sanctions, but I can't understand why only now.. when it has been so terrible for so long. Why is it so hard to live peacefully? Even in a predominantly Buddhist country?? Its not just military regimes though, its everywhere, even in the simplest of lives.

People get drunk, fight, hurt each other, hurt themselves, why is it so hard to live peacefully? I certainly don't know the answer. The Buddha has said that all of life is suffering, and that's not to be pessimistic, its just a fact. Even in our happy moments there is suffering. Escaping samsara and rebirth is the only way out, which entails becoming enlightening..no easy task. I just try and remember the mantra for myself, Peace begins with me, similar to what Gandhi also said about being the change you want to see in the world.

The stitch

Its nearly three years that I've been living here, and with the departure of my American friends, I am experiencing the intermittent homesick pangs. When I previously lived in Scotland, it was for 2 1/2 years and then, just like running, I got a stitch in my side that I could not push past and had to return home to live. That seemed to be spurred on by the birth of my first child at the time, which also sends you into the nest-making, longing for the familiar home-mode.

I have a second child now, and after her birth, those pangs were not as strong, however 18 months later, I am now having some; the comparison of cultures, the evaluating of quality of life, the greening of the grass..

I know that I will not be making any plans to move back for quite some time, I cannot. I realise, at least, that my mind is just experiencing dissatisfaction, the misunderstanding that things are better or will be better elsewhere. The secret is to stay in the present. Like the zen phrase that says wherever you go, there you are, at least I have understood that much by now, and know that I have indeed been equally dissatisfied at times in Chicago.

One can have memories and also long distance friends, and still stay present to the current moment, the eternal NOW. I think it was Shantideva (in his guide to a Bodhisattva's way of life) that said a Bodhisattva [or one in training] must leave their homeland. I understood that immediately, as stepping out of your comfort zone, sitting with your discomfort rather than being run ragged by it, expanding your compassionate net to those you don't know very well, or not at all. Its good mind training to live outside of the familiar, as the familiar is very much the heart of Samsara, in Buddhist terminology, the cycle of death and rebirth and suffering that all life is trapped in.

So living outside of my homeland serves to keep me more awake in daily life in many ways. Perhaps being here, examining my thoughts, sometimes struggling with my mind, rather than just easing back into my life of habit that takes over in America, will help me on the road to enlightenment. Of course this does not stop my mind wandering back and wanting the closeness of friends and the comfort of the familiar .. and of course the driving on the *right* side of the road.

Being nobody and going Nowhere

I have been wasting far too much time on the internet today...having been sick for the past three days I guess I felt I needed to make up for lost time.. but its not quality time. I have been experimenting with something i heard recently, which is that you can google just about anything. So naturally, I googled myself first and then lots of other things as I thought of them.

I was shocked and angered to find some information related to my life on others sites, but since it was not directly about me, what can i say??. That along with some of my posts on spam blogs just set me fuming! But then that's just me thinking once again that I am separate from everything else. This is probably not an easy concept for most to grasp, but in my buddhist belief I understand Ultimately that we are all one being. Relatively however, we feel separate and our egos take over. After all this surfing, I was hit with a wave of existential angst. The 'what is it all for' question, 'does any of this matter at all' 'why blog, who cares?'...

I was angered by my searching and it led to thoughts about dishonesty, people hiding behind technology, living in virtual worlds instead of engaging openly and wholeheartedly. Then I realised that this is judging. This is my mind engaging in aversion, judging, fear, hurt, anger..all of the above. Then I took comfort in my path, the path that I have chosen, that tells me, shows me the nature of my own mind. Ayya Khema was a buddhist nun and her book Being Nobody, Going Nowhere was the first book I read about buddhism. I loved her simple and loving approach and the idea that its ok to be nobody-that we are truly ourselves when we are nobody, going nowhere. Nothing to gain, nothing to lose, everything is as it is already. The universe is still. Its all been done already.

In a Mike Scott song he sings 'bring it all in, bring it all in to my heart...bring the little fishes, bring the sharks'. Which is very buddhist indeed. If we accept the little fishes, we have to accept the sharks--or at least have compassion for them too. So I've calmed myself down, and accepted that the privacy of my life that I envisioned, is not necessarily mine, but still, my life is my own and yet its everyone's. There is no need to worry, as we are all interconnected anyway. I choose how I view the world, I choose my thoughts, so I will continue to work on being positive and approaching life with love.