Much ado about nothing...

I'm not sure if this nablopomo thing is doing me any good as there are many days when I really have nothing to post. I was reading about how to improve my blog over at Skelliewag.org, which is a treasure-trove of information. I have been at this for over a year now, but like many, there's an awful, awful lot I don't know or understand. So pushing my learning curve up. I appreciate all of you who read and comment, but I know I can waffle on a bit.

The idea about this blog is that I am an American ex-pat living in England with my family. And to that end, I shall try and focus more on my surroundings, which will include family issues. I am considering some streamlining, and also starting a new blog dedicated to another passion (organic skincare) for which I have sometimes posted about on here. But the idea of posting everyday, as for nablopomo, may be boring and offputting for some. As Skellieweg points out, quality is better than quantity. So bear with me as the month is nearly over! and I shall be focusing my content with posts of one-two a week. I will keep the Photo Friday feature as I know many only come here for that -- and I do enjoy it as they are my own photos! Oh and Happy Thanksgiving!!

The Best and Worst of Britain

I admit, I have been watching alot of channel 4 lately.. their programming can be quite interesting, or can be of the car crash variety. Last night it was the best of Location, Location, Location focusing on the top 20 best and worst places to live in Britain. The list was compiled based on statistics gathered for general health of the area, income/economy, school performance, quality of life (culture, restaurants, shops), environment (both green areas and carbon emissions), crime/drugs/binge drinking, and housing prices. I think that was all of it, or at least those are the major factors most of us seem to consider when moving.

I have probably been to more places in Scotland than in England, and I find this type of info informative for a foreigner of sorts! Surrey seems to be the place to live in England, as six towns in the county figured in the top ten, but its also the most expensive. Many of the worst places were middle or northern England unfortunately. Some of the top areas had downsides like high carbon emissions from all the expensive suvs, or lack of very much entertainment. Our area didn't rate either way, with the exception of Manchester (25 miles away tho') which was in the top worst due to its crime rate, with gun crime in particular.

So where was the worst place to live? Middlesbrough. High rates of obesity and poor health combined with high crime and low income made it finish above Hull, which was first last year. Middlesbrough is the first place in the UK to have talking CCTV installed!

And the best? Edinburgh -Scotland. I felt a sense of pride or at least pleasure when that came up! I feel much the same affection and 'home' feelings about it as I do Chicago. Having lived there and my son being born there, I still feel connected. And sometimes really want to move back! Of course it can be cold and grey, but as noted on the show, its beautiful with its Georgian New Town, the castle on the hill, Arthurs seat, and all the restaurants, shops and museums. Its also very cosmopolitan, so an american ex-pat fits in nicely.

The stitch

Its nearly three years that I've been living here, and with the departure of my American friends, I am experiencing the intermittent homesick pangs. When I previously lived in Scotland, it was for 2 1/2 years and then, just like running, I got a stitch in my side that I could not push past and had to return home to live. That seemed to be spurred on by the birth of my first child at the time, which also sends you into the nest-making, longing for the familiar home-mode.

I have a second child now, and after her birth, those pangs were not as strong, however 18 months later, I am now having some; the comparison of cultures, the evaluating of quality of life, the greening of the grass..

I know that I will not be making any plans to move back for quite some time, I cannot. I realise, at least, that my mind is just experiencing dissatisfaction, the misunderstanding that things are better or will be better elsewhere. The secret is to stay in the present. Like the zen phrase that says wherever you go, there you are, at least I have understood that much by now, and know that I have indeed been equally dissatisfied at times in Chicago.

One can have memories and also long distance friends, and still stay present to the current moment, the eternal NOW. I think it was Shantideva (in his guide to a Bodhisattva's way of life) that said a Bodhisattva [or one in training] must leave their homeland. I understood that immediately, as stepping out of your comfort zone, sitting with your discomfort rather than being run ragged by it, expanding your compassionate net to those you don't know very well, or not at all. Its good mind training to live outside of the familiar, as the familiar is very much the heart of Samsara, in Buddhist terminology, the cycle of death and rebirth and suffering that all life is trapped in.

So living outside of my homeland serves to keep me more awake in daily life in many ways. Perhaps being here, examining my thoughts, sometimes struggling with my mind, rather than just easing back into my life of habit that takes over in America, will help me on the road to enlightenment. Of course this does not stop my mind wandering back and wanting the closeness of friends and the comfort of the familiar .. and of course the driving on the *right* side of the road.

Living life as the 'other'

I craved to go beyond the garden gate, follow the road that passes it by, and set out for the unknown.
-Alexandra David-Neel

One of the things I like most about reading blogs by expats is the insight into real life in a foreign place. It doesn't always have to be expats, true, in fact anyone blogging about the place where they live, to me, is much better than reading a travel book. I have been indulging my growing fascination with Scandinavia by reading My Life In Stockholm, by another American expat. On it there is a 'what no one told me' section, which has been a real eye opener and recommended reading for anyone desiring to move to a foreign country. Its dampened my unrealistic ideals about the place slightly, but also made me realise that my situation here in England, is not that different to being a foreigner anywhere else.

People are people no matter where you go, and EVERYONE, despite nationality, religion, language, sex, etc., has insecurities, ignorance, and all the other ailments we all suffer from at times. It can be hard to make friends, get a job, find a decent place to live, etc. No society is perfect. Period (or should I say Full Stop).

It can be very frustrating though, being the foreigner.. like one woman in Sweden who said she had to put up with constant American slagging at work..which was discriminatory and unfounded, because she knew if she said anything, she'd be frozen out, perhaps even fired. It also seems to be a common complaint that you will not earn the same amount of money that you did in your home country.. that you should be prepared to take a job that you are over-qualified for. This has been true for me, when I did work over here.. its very hard to break in at the level you were at- unless you come with the company.

This leads me back to the idea of one's own mind creating one's reality. Its true you can't change how other people think or perceive you, but you can choose how you react. I have days where I feel as English as the next person, and days when I don't feel any nationality whatsoever. There are other days when I am frustrated and fed up and just long for the ease of being on home ground.

I'm not particularly nationalistic, in fact probably not at all. I just prefer open-mindedness and honesty as much as possible. I understand we all have trouble with this at times. Alot of people seem to be afraid of the unknown, and that includes unknown people from unknown countries (although they may think they 'know'). I'm not that afraid of the unknown, or if I am, I try and embrace it. I like difference, I find it interesting and feel we all have something to teach and learn from each other.

There was a tv programme on the other night, about how an increasing number of British people are commuting to work (mainly in London) from homes in France. It seems that the cost of living is lower in France, with gorgeous homes both cheaper and bigger! And with low-cost air travel and the tunnel, it is an even better option (although perhaps not environmentally better). And as I now know, you don't get alot for your money here. This show coincided with a dream I had last week about Lille, France, a place I have never been and know very little about. I have just learned it has been referred to as the Manchester of France..rather ironic since we live fairly close to Manchester. Here's the funny bit though, much of these British expats keep to themselves in British dominated sections of France, and the French are feeling left out! So its a bit reversed... foreigners in your land who don't want to know you!

So what is the point of this ramble? Sometimes I wonder about leaving my home country and whether I will be a 'foreigner' there too, if and/or when I return. Probably depends on how long I'm away. I've only lived abroad for 5 years (not consecutive) which isn't much in the grand scheme of things. But its been over 2 years now since I've seen my friends from home (that's not a guilt trip, honestly) and it reminds me how quickly time passes. On the netmums forum (a uk website for mums) no friends, is a common lament from American ex-pats. Its not that we don't have acquaintances or friendly chat -as in the schoolyard with other mums, or perhaps at a playgroup, but it seems that it is harder to make friends as you get older..and perhaps being foreign makes it harder. Its not that there's a language barrier or anything, but there are cultural differences.

One woman on the forum made a pretty good point when she said many people don't need any more friends.. they have all the friends they need and with families as well, they aren't interested. True enough and I would probably subscribe to this if I were back home, although I do enjoy meeting new people. But if you have to leave most of your life-long friends behind, it can be very hard indeed.

And its not just Americans posting about this malaise, its new mothers who seem to have lost their single friends, French and Polish and German mums looking for others to speak to in their native tongue, or mums who have left the work world and now find themselves alone much of the time. Veronika, editor of the Mother magazine is a transplant from Australia and even though she's lived in the UK for eight years she still says she hasn't formed many friendships where she lives. Alot has to do with your lifestyle choices too, i.e. vegan, vegetarian, homeschooling, alternative schooling etc. That can be hard anywhere for sure!

Of course this is all coming from a female perspective, from a mother's perspective...its the only one I've got. But I don't want to sound too down about it all. Jul in Switzerland is another American ex-pat and I delight in reading her blog (This Non-American Life) because she is so upbeat, happy, and appears to be fully enjoying her life there.

So hard as it may be sometimes, the only option is to continue to extend myself, keep an open mind, embrace the world around me.