We shall not cease from exploration, and the end of all our exploring will be to arrive where we started, And know the place for the first time. ~T.S. Eliot Four Quartets

10 December 2007

Manic Monday

I really don't like Mondays, I was going to say I hate them, but then that's a pretty strong word--especially for a day of the week. Mondays are more stressful overall, getting my son to school, getting to steiner group with my daughter (i need to change that day).. which we didn't today. With my son buzzing about the house either having a constant monologue or asking me a million questions, even after I've said not to talk to me while I'm getting ready, as I can't concentrate on what I need to get ready, and trying to get my daughter dressed, things just get forgotton--mostly my things.

After telling my son about 10 times to get your shoes on, go downstairs, get your coat on, by the time I'm out the door, I'm exhausted. We walk about a 3/4 of a mile, so that's a good time to calm down, except I'm walking, all wound up (even though I know I shouldn't be because: my son can't help that sound comes out of him 24/7, that he's rather self-centred and can't understand why I want some quiet time to get ready, or that he is probably more anxious because its Monday and its back to school), and dragging behind me, chuttering away-loudly, is my son.

And so after arriving late for school, half way to the bus my daughter asks for a drink, and I realise I've forgotton it. I also realise I've forgotton my money and look down to make sure I haven't left my trousers at home too. So its back home and too frustrated to do much of anything, I'm writing. I'm calm now, and of course feeling sad that my compassion for my son has failed me once again. I always manage a hug and the 'have a good day' even if its through gritted teeth, but I know he can feel it when I'm just not happy-- even if he can't adjust his behaviour accordingly. When I think about homeschooling, I feel all this mess would disappear, except that I worry about the time for my daughter and whether she'd get any for herself and if I can stay sane. It certainly doesn't help that I've always been one for a quiet morning, not talking if I can help it.. I read somewhere that ASD kids tend to be loud.. and that is certainly the case in our house, a constant level of noise that frays my nerves, until I contribute to it with my own shouting, something else that never use to be 'characteristic' of me! Argh...

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