Its hard work

Today I was exhausted before I even left the house. The same morning routine of getting ready for school, the same for the past three years for my son is still not easy depending on the day. Depending on where the planets are aligned, what phase the moon is in, or where the tides are. For my daughter it is still pretty good. She wakes up most days eager to get dressed, have her breakfast, let the cat in or out, and go to nursery.

My son at 9 still struggles with the mundane tasks of life, tasks he says are boring or pointless. Most parents look forward to the increased independence of their children as they grow up, finding things getting somewhat easier. You taught them how to dress themselves, brush their teeth, have a bath, and at a certain age they do this on their own, and you no longer have to think about it. Having aspies however, I wonder when will we reach that point? Will we ever reach it? Things like brushing one's teeth, having a bath, still requires reminders, prompts and very often arguments ending up with me brushing my sons teeth or leaving the bath for another day. The entire personal hygiene routine is like this. And I love the admonishments that say don't do it for him, what you do for him he'll never do for himself. Yes, true, he won't. Ever. Left to his own devices I'm fairly confident my son's teeth would rot and then fall out, the bathtub would never know him and I dread to think what state his bowels would be in. Its not a case of something once learned, it is continual relearning . Even more difficult at times, baths at age 3 were more fun.

But as today wore on, and I worked in the school, and my son received a star pupil award, I'm reminded of the ways in which he is maturing, taking on new responsibilities at school, walking home with friends, using his mobile and remembering his watch. These are not things to be taken for granted.

And finishing this tiring day with my daughter asleep, my son laying next to me on the bed asking me about death and dying, worrying that I may die too soon. We talked about reincarnation, about our life together in the future, imagining me as an old woman of 80 and he in his middle age. What will that be like? Will he have children of his own? How many jobs will he work in his lifetime? Will I live close by to him? How lovely when all that tension releases and the love pours out. When at times like this I can still see my baby in my 9 year boy, and how we laugh at the loud snores coming out of my daughter, how I love them so.

Schools Out, Sleeping In!

School is now finished until September, and even though its still the weekend, the calm that has settled on the house is wonderful! Of course its not that there isn't more energy in the house with my son at home all day, but he likes to be outside with his friends, and not having to wake up and follow that routine seems to suit him very well. While most Asperger's and ASD people seem to need and thrive on routine, my son can quite happily leave the school routine behind. He still needs structure and definitely doesn't like quick changes to things, but he's not at all bothered by not waking up, getting dressed and going to school.

His year end report was very good, he's grown by leaps and despite the minor hurdle of being denied assessment for a statuatory statement (which we are appealing in Sept. when the multi-displinary team has seen him and perhaps made an official diagnosis), his teacher said he really improved, works hard and has become more popular at school. Its a funny double-edged sword really, because while he gets on well with the older kids --who were cheering for him during the last sports day, he still struggles with his own peer group. But I think he is learning some of his own limits as well, for instance, when others are becoming more mean and fed up with him, he now has the awareness to leave rather than let it escalate. He's also alot better at defending himself, though in his own characteristic way, goes overboard with! So we have a week of trampolining scheduled, a market stall to sell on, his birthday, my new job starting some time soon, it should all prove very interesting to say the very least.

Moving Along

Wild Garlic in the village

I feel as if I've been neglecting this blog a bit, as I find I sometimes don't have much to say. I seem to have alot to write about on my other blog, mainly because its one point of focus. We are also fairly broke which means there haven't been many days out, at least none that cost money, so I have nothing to report on that. There's a Big Green weekend happening soon in Hebden Bridge and also our own little village will be hosting an international music festival (which dh has been designing the logo and posters for), so June should be a bit more exciting!

However, things are moving along with my son's aspie/asd diagnosis as the next appointment with a Paediatrician is in the works and he has just seen the psych for his medicine.

We have agreed to a trail run of medication for the hyperactivity portion, but not Ritalin, something similar but more mild as there was some concern that the ritalin would make his tics worse. I've had to acquiesce on the medication side as I really don't agree with it, and I've heard all the arguments about if he had cancer etc, we wouldn't refuse treatment, and this is a medical condition, and yet I see it as not life-threatening and not within the same realm as cancer treatment. The psychiatrist was of the opinion that it might not help at all, and the school has to make accomodations, they have to work with the child, and yet the whole ethos of schools is to fit the square pegs into round holes.

If the medication makes my little guy feel better then I will be happy. If it makes him feel worse or nothing at all, then I will stop it. In any case, we will have to wait about a month for it to start to work.

No Talk Talk Talk Talk

Well I wish I could say that I've been on holiday, or that I've had a case of writers block or some other reasonable reason for not writing, but its been completely more frustrating than that. I have been without broadband since the 11th of March, the day we switched over to TalkTalk. Unlike the 20 minutes that the brochure says, we still haven't been connected. I'm writing from my mother in-laws. We received a faulty modem with our welcome package and its been downhill from there. We are now switching back to BT, and expensive, or at least, a unnessecarily frustrating mistake. The customer service we received from BT was above and beyond and I have to say I wish I'd have negotiated before just switching. Talk Talk have told lie after lie, with the first one being that they would courier a new modem to us, which we still haven't received yet. So there you have it, exiled from the internet due to my good intentions to save money!!! It may still be sometime before my next post, as we are still hoping for that elusive modem to arrive, as our switchback date is 11th of April. So dear readers, don't wander off, I will be back!!

Obsessed with Saving!

Yes I seem to be getting obsessed with saving, which isn't a bad thing.. but perhaps its the influence of living in penny-pinching Yorkshire! I know many people who get a bit of a high off shopping, and I can't help but feel that most marketeers know this, and that's why the phrase 'retail therapy' was invented. Its not good therapy if it sends you spiralling into debt. Saving and bargain hunting also provides a similar high and as necessity is the mother of invention as they say, it has been more necessary lately for me to tighten the belt. I'm lowering some regular outgoings in hopes of balancing the need to move and pay a higher rent. If I can cut some costs, then those savings will be applied to the rent. Its a necessary evil.

Thus, I have now cut our phone/broadband monthly bill in half, by switching to TalkTalk. That's not an advert for them, but after checking on most of the leading ones available in my area, they were the cheapest and also held the best customer service ranking. In my endeavors I have found this site, MoneySavingExpert which is packed full of tips and well thought out advice. There's a section on where to look for freebies, some of which will be arriving in my post very soon. Also from this site I discovered TopCashBack which is free to join and you can earn discounts in the form of cash back when you shop through this site. I haven't used it yet, but plan to when I have to order my printer ink, as the company I use is on there. That was one pleasant surprise, there are lots of big name companies participating, so its not a time waster. ASDA and Tesco are on there, and there's a list of free things as well. Its all for the UK only though, sorry if you're reading from somewhere else. It pays to search about on the internet as we can all benefit from some savings!!

Inertia creeps...

In-er-tia: (American Heritage Dictionary) The tendency of a body to resist acceleration; the tendency of a body at rest to remain at rest or of a body in straight line motion to stay in motion in a straight line unless acted on by an outside force.

Its the end of January, the middle of winter, its no wonder I am feeling utterly slow, heavy and tired. Inertia has crept in, not just in me, but in just about everyone around me too. I know things are changing, that spring is on its way, I noticed some daffodils already poking their heads through the ground. I know I'd rather be here in January than in Chicago, perhaps in a deep freeze. England being England, things are still green, birds are around in abundance, and the village heron just flew past moments ago, following his path along the river. Spring has a great ability to break up inertia, with the spring clean, moving house, starting new projects, etc. All of these things will be applicable to my life this year.

We'll be in February at the end of the week, with St. Brigid's Day (Imbolc) approaching on the 2nd, the Tibetan & Chinese New Year on the 7th, spring is just around the corner.

Rainy days and mondays...

Always get me down... Well, does this look enticing to you? Of course you can't see much, which is the point--exactly what its like outside today. Nothing to look at except rain, rain and more rain. Heavy, drenching rain.

It seems as if its been raining for the past 8 months. It was a rainy summer, a rainy autumn and now a rainy winter. I'm complaining, I'm whinging, I know. But what else can I do, its downright depressing. I walked to school this morning, soaked, with a cramped hand from holding the umbrella and pushing the pushchair. 20cm of snow is expected in the pennines this week, but probably further north. A cold snap is also expected.

The most frustrating thing however, is that our car was sitting in front of the house immobile this morning, as I can't drive it yet, without a fully licensed driver in it with me. However, I'm having lessons again, actually drove a fair distance yesterday with husband in the car, and its looking like I'll be taking the test within a months time.

My New Year Messege to the Universe

"There are years that ask questions and years that answer. -Zora Neale Hurston

I can scarcely believe it is already the end of the year , and while I thought about writing a ' best of' roundup, I really don't have it in me. This week has been a series of ups and downs, especially for my dear little daughter, who simply fell over her own feet yesterday (in our small living room) and hit the base of the computer chair, damaging her two top front teeth. I have 'saved' her on many occasions from damaging her over-confident little self, although sometimes it just happens in the blink of an eye. I am of course racked with guilt, feeling terribly sad for her (its very hard seeing her in pain) and also a bundle of nerves. Yesterday we went to A & E (emergency room) but they couldn't do anything for her. And today it was an emergency dental visit, but they also said there was nothing to be done due to her age and the baby teeth.

One tooth has been broken and both have been pushed up into her gums. They may come back down, they may go black and fall out, or they may need extracting at a later date. We have to wait and see when they fall out around age 6 or so, to determine if her permenant teeth have been damaged. So last night was one of the worst I've had in a long time. As I lay in bed hating everything and feeling extremely down, I forced my mind out of its slump and began to look toward the positive changes I can bring about.

So with the law of attraction in mind, and the philosophy of ask and it is given, and the power of positive thinking, I'm sending out my wishlist to the universe. For me, the new year will be about reclaiming that which has been put on hiatus. I will be focusing on my holistic training, furthering my long held beliefs into action, I will learn to drive (over here!!) and drive to some places like London and Edinburgh. I am visualising our own home, or one that we can adapt to us, one that has adequate space, a large kitchen for gathering and cooking, views of the countryside, friendly neighbors and won't break the bank.

Each person has to decide what's right for themselves, but in my thoughts I am also wishing for more fulfilling and less back-breaking work with my husband's business, for each of my children to become that much happier, confident and content in the new year, and of course for all my friends near or far to have that which their hearts most desire. Blessed Be. Happy New Year.

Manic Monday

I really don't like Mondays, I was going to say I hate them, but then that's a pretty strong word--especially for a day of the week. Mondays are more stressful overall, getting my son to school, getting to steiner group with my daughter (i need to change that day).. which we didn't today. With my son buzzing about the house either having a constant monologue or asking me a million questions, even after I've said not to talk to me while I'm getting ready, as I can't concentrate on what I need to get ready, and trying to get my daughter dressed, things just get forgotton--mostly my things.

After telling my son about 10 times to get your shoes on, go downstairs, get your coat on, by the time I'm out the door, I'm exhausted. We walk about a 3/4 of a mile, so that's a good time to calm down, except I'm walking, all wound up (even though I know I shouldn't be because: my son can't help that sound comes out of him 24/7, that he's rather self-centred and can't understand why I want some quiet time to get ready, or that he is probably more anxious because its Monday and its back to school), and dragging behind me, chuttering away-loudly, is my son.

And so after arriving late for school, half way to the bus my daughter asks for a drink, and I realise I've forgotton it. I also realise I've forgotton my money and look down to make sure I haven't left my trousers at home too. So its back home and too frustrated to do much of anything, I'm writing. I'm calm now, and of course feeling sad that my compassion for my son has failed me once again. I always manage a hug and the 'have a good day' even if its through gritted teeth, but I know he can feel it when I'm just not happy-- even if he can't adjust his behaviour accordingly. When I think about homeschooling, I feel all this mess would disappear, except that I worry about the time for my daughter and whether she'd get any for herself and if I can stay sane. It certainly doesn't help that I've always been one for a quiet morning, not talking if I can help it.. I read somewhere that ASD kids tend to be loud.. and that is certainly the case in our house, a constant level of noise that frays my nerves, until I contribute to it with my own shouting, something else that never use to be 'characteristic' of me! Argh...

October new year..

October has just begun but we are already looking toward Halloween, as my son anxiously gets his costume bits together. Its not such a big deal here, but one of the things I do like is the connection to pagan Britain, with things like lantern festivals around this time of year.

Autumn has always been my favourite time of year, the one I have found most exciting. Spring is certainly exciting with everything being new, but autumn, or fall (as I've known it all my life), has always felt new and full of change to me. I realise now that this is probably harking back to Celtic/pagan times when this was in fact the end of the year, beginning of the new year. October 31st Samhain (pronounced sow-in) was the old 'new years eve', and with that brings excitement of a new year beginning. My husband recently said he didn't look forward to autumn as such because he knows winter is around the corner. I like winter though as well. I like the snow (provided I don't have to drive in it) and the general peaceful slower feeling about winter.

When we lived more in time with the seasons, winter would have been a time for rest, which is probably why, somewhere in my genes it still feels that way to me. So until the end of the month we will be planning costumes, and preparing, and hopefully attending a night-time lantern walk this year instead of trick or treating, which doesn't happen en masse here and feels a bit deflating.. and we can't have all that candy sitting around for weeks begging to be eaten...

Summer surprises

That's a toad that appeared just outside our doorstep (here in my husband's hands). This week has been wonderfully sunny and feeling more like summer. I haven't been feeling too philosophical lately, not entirely inspired either, just coasting along. This weekend we will be visiting Manchester and taking in the long-awaited (for my son, that is) Doctor Who exhibit at MOSI.. so by Monday I should have more blog fodder.

I'm sure the car is nice, but the song is spectacular

This is especially for my American friends as I don't think you will have seen this tv ad for the new Saab Bio-diesel (diesel cars aren't that popular in the states are they?). Don't know if the car will sell as well, but the song is getting lots of attention, though I haven't heard it on the radio yet, nor is it on napster but you can listen and view here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NjQXMZe2ouk

In my mind, it is possibly one of the best songs I've heard in a long time.. at first I thought it might have been the welsh band Catatonia, but its a swedish band (of course) called Oh Laura. I think it won't be long before they are everywhere, if the rest of it sounds as good as this. Also there; www.myspace.com/laurasweden ENJOY.

Creating Space

I have been trying to carve out space in this little house where none exists! This means, clearing, re-arranging, thinking creatively (outside this box) in order to revive the living arrangements. I went to look at a another place to rent just down the road and although it wasn't ideal, I wanted it! But after a long winded discussion with the husband last night (until midnight-much too late for me!!) I realise I have to ditch the emotional and stick to the plan. The plan being, stay here until we burst the seams and are ready to buy our own place. This means staying on track and focusing on the end goal rather than little bits and pieces of comfort along the way! So in order to tame my mind somewhat, I've decided on some redecorating and rearranging in hopes of a fresh perspective on this place. This is more than what I've already done in hopes of shaking up the feng shui.

I still have one more post (and pics) to write about Preston, which is about Avenham and Millar parks.. when I can. These two photos, of the park and the River Ribble, remind me to think Space. In the meantime, my son is about to go on a two-week break from school, has pink eye, and is going for a 'play date' today with coffee for me and getting to know a neighbor.

Red Nose Day

My daughter is tearing apart the kitchen as I write, so happy to bring me the whisk, a tin of chick peas and the box of Chicken Style Bake Mix..

Its Red Nose Day here in Britain, and I'm pretty sure this is a British invention. The red nose is about 'comic relief' a fund-raising event featuring famous comedians/comediennes to help disadvantaged people in Africa and the UK. 60% of the money raised will be donated to help those living in the most grinding poverty in Africa, while 40% of the money raised will be used to help disadvantaged communities in the UK.

The kids had a non-uniform day today and were encouraged to wear as much red and noses as possible. My son has a red nose, but unfortunately it makes his nose hurt! Even if you are not in the the UK you can add your own red nose to your photos (or photos of others!) by going here: http://noseify.rednoseday.com.

And tommorrow is St. Patrick's Day which was always a big celebration in Chicago, but its had hardly a mention here. Not suprising I suppose. I've been listening to WXRT online today, and it has given me some twinges of homesickness. That's probably why I don't do it very often. But its nice to be away from 30 degree coldness and yet still listen in.

Coming soon:

The Dalek Cam takes to the countryside in search of that perfect shot. Courtesy of my six year old son of course.. so we'll see what develops.